Theme: I Feel
Acknowledging our need for connections
Chapter 2: Sexuality & Your Hips
When we have difficulty expressing or admitting our feelings, or can’t attain the pleasure we think we want, we end up holding on to unprocessed anger. We clench our legs together so no one will see our vulnerability. We feel stifled and resentful that our ideas aren’t materializing in the world the way we think they should. A lot of these feelings can be subconscious and just randomly burst out in fits of crying or destruction. Like a baby who hasn’t figured out how to get the spoon of food into their own mouth, or the square block to fit in the round hole. What you want and what is happening doesn’t match, but we’re so obsessed with the hyper-focused view of our dilemma that we can’t see the bigger picture. As we get bigger and our dilemmas become bigger than “why doesn’t my brand new chubby hand with tiny fingers hold this baby spoon” or “why doesn’t this square peg fit in this round hole” and they become things like “why doesn’t my relationship now match what my uncommunicated subconscious expectations were in the beginning,” or “why does my personal idea of sexuality not match what I assume other people’s expectations are of me,” etc…
These disconnected expectations leave us with unresolved shame that we don’t know how to fix, and often materialize by trying to control something else, like an obsession with possessions or money; never having what you feel is enough, and lashing out at other people that look like they have more or look like they are happy with what they have. Or feeling shame in having more than other people, but it still doesn’t make you feel like you achieved what you wanted, and it’s not making you feel happy and secure like you thought it would. These obsessions swing one of two ways: we place an overemphasis on obtaining material goods (like hoarding, followed by regret, but still not being able to let go because you don’t feel “done”), or not being able to own your own abundance (shame, self-deprecation, and sometimes intense purging or consuming yourself in caring for others to take your own focus off of yourself).
Then what am I supposed to do?
Baby steps. Think of someone or somewhere safe you can tell a tiny need. Or write it down first. Let it leave your body. Then try telling someone you know and trust a little secret you’re holding in. Odds are someone that your secret doesn’t affect won’t be surprised or care one way or the other. Which is kind of freeing. Ever noticed how it’s easier to spill your guts to a stranger, or not look people in the eye while you confess things (like at night or around a campfire or on a long walk). Find a way to let some of your secrets leave your body. Odds are someone out there feels the same way you do (hello, the internet). But just admitting that you want or need something can be really scary if you’ve been holding something in for a long time. Some people write confessions or desires on a tag inside a balloon or on a paper boat if the fear of seeing someone receive your secret is too much. Not all our secret desires are bad or evil or uncouth. But also, not all of our secret needs can or will be met. The square peg will never go in the round hole, but if you step back you can see that the world is filled with unlimited shapes and sizes of everything.
So you don’t have to tell me, or anyone, your secrets. But admitting them to yourself, allowing your body to process and release them outside yourself at least gives you the option to move to the next step and decide “Is each of these secrets something I want to hide and cling to and hold on to forever? Is this thing something I still want, or was it something I used to want and don’t care about anymore? Is it just something I think I was supposed to want? Is my desire based in reality, or just a fun story I tell myself? Is it hurting anyone or myself?” Wants, needs, desires, and sexuality are incredibly complex and interwoven and we’ll probably never untangle them all. Give yourself some room and time to mentally step back and process them without shaming yourself, and resolution will come to you. Maybe it’s time to stop hyperfocusing on one peg, let it go, and look around to see all the other options around you. Zoom out. Try something new.
Stretchy time. It’s pretty much impossible to do hip socket stretches without feeling a little ridiculous and vulnerable, but this week is all about slowly practicing becoming more comfortable with being vulnerable. So you don’t have to start out doing high-kicks in your sparkly Richard Simmons outfit down main street, but with a little practice, maybe we’ll all get there some day and not take ourselves so seriously.
Try some of the awesomely awkward hip socket stretches below.
Jet Tries 